The Malicious Monocle

Rhesus Macaque watched her husband Orangutan leave with Zebu for the market. Their baskets were full of the best their gardens would yield. Orangutan had told his wife that morning over breakfast that he had a plan which would help Zebu and him sell more than they ever had before. Rhesus just hoped that the plan didn’t involve anything illegal or malicious.

As Rhesus was finishing up with washing the dishes from breakfast she heard a knock at the garden door. Standing at the door was the postman Rat. He had the same run of the mill mail for Rhesus that he always delivered, but today there was a surprise for her.

The letter had no return address on it and Rhesus did not recognize the hand that had addressed the envelope.

Her hands trembling, Rhesus wordlessly read the letter. She quickly scribbled a note for her husband Orangutan about running errands in Patna and left the house. Catching herself at the garden gate, she dashes back and locks her house up. The contents of letter had clearly rattled her badly.

Orangutan rides Zebu to market to sell vegetables. It’s been hard lately for Orangutan to make enough money at market. Today he has a secret weapon. He’s decided to wear a monocle while selling vegetables. He’s sure the monocle will make him look smart and help him distract the shoppers from his sub-standard vegetables. Thus, the malicious monocle is born.

When Orangutan placed the malicious monocle on his nose he didn’t realize he was being watched. Lemur, a secret agent for the British Crown had seen him and fathomed his malicious plan. After Orangutan and Zebu continued down the jungle track towards the village, Lemur ran off to give his report to the regional Royal Governor. Royal Governor Brigadier General Hedgehog listened to the report and mobilised the guard. Lieutenant Bengal led his unit out the sallyport towards the market square.

The malicious monocle was soon to face conflict.

Lieutenant Bengal was the highest-ranking Sepoy in Her Majesty’s service. The men in his unit, both English and Native alike looked up to him as a hero. All but one, that is. Corporal Cobra viewed Lieutenant Bengal as a traitor to the rightful leader of the kingdom, Raja Elephant. Clearly only a traitor to the Raja would have curried enough favor with the invaders to be treated as an equal.

Cobra had pledged to see Elephant back on his throne. If that meant he must kill Bengal, so be it.

Elephant sits at the table in a poor hut in a village on the outskirts of Patna (a city on the Holy Ganges). A Raja should only sit on a throne made of gold, but Elephant has spent his reign sitting on the dirt floors of humble huts like this one all over his stolen kingdom.

Hedgehog and his men are constantly on the look-out for Elephant. They want Elephant locked up so he cannot inspire his people against Her Majesty. Wanted posters for Elephant mock the fact his riches have been stolen by calling him the, “Pauper Prince”.

The market was busier than usual that day when Orangutan and Zebu arrived. The upcoming festival for Durga had people stocking up for family feasts as best as they were able. Orangutan stood in the centre of his stall calling out his wares and prices.

“Bananas for 2 annas or half a rupee for a bunch.”

“Mangoes for 1/2 an anna or 4 mangoes for 3 anna.”

“Cinnamon sticks for 10 rupees or a bundle of 6 sticks for 3 mohur and 5 rupees.”

In between hawking his goods and serving customers Orangutan would wipe his monocle rather ostentatiously on his gleaming fur.

Zebu use their meagre funds to purchase supplies for the next week. After buying supplies for both his and Orangutan’s families he strolled past the cobbler to look and dream. For the last fortnight the cobbler had had a quad of jaunty jodhpurs boots on display at his stall. The jaunty jodhpurs were made of the most supply leather dyed a bellicose shade of purple. Across the toes in thread of gold were stitched a delicate paisley design.

Orangutan’s plan worked. The monocle helped him duped the good people at the market and his poor harvest sold just as well as any others that day. Even Zebu seemed happy to plod back to their home village with a much lighter load. Feeling superstitious, Orangutan left the monocle on until Zebu and he were in the jungle. He then polished it on his luxuriant, orange fur and placed it in the silver carrying case his wife, Macaque had given him for the monocle on their wedding anniversary.

Meanwhile back in Patna, Rhesus slumped to the ground in the alley as Mongoose pulls a linen cravat from Rhesus’ now broken neck. Mongoose’s cruel cravat had done it’s duty and killed another supporter of Elephant. He knotted his cruel cravat back around his neck and exited the alley whistling through his gleaming canines.

The bugler, Sgt. Bulldog blew a staccato call for attention in the village centre. As the notes faded into the azure sky the bugler drew himself to attention as he shouted his message.

“By order of Her Royal Majesty’s appointed representative, the Governor Hedgehog Elephant is to be returned a measure of the lands once held by his family as well as the title of Raja. The Raja will be crowned in the Governor’s palace at Patna in one week’s time.”

Elephant listened to this in a state of confusion. How could he be crowned by the Governor if he was on the run? Who was the Governor actually going to crown in a week’s time?

Orangutan and Zebu returned to their village, splitting their take from the market before heading to their respective homes. With a wet, wispy whistle trailing between his horns, Zebu decided to take a slight detour to the newsagent before home. 1/12 anna yielded Zebu the five star edition of the Chennai Times.

Orangutan came home to an empty house. His wife Rhesus wasn’t home. She had left a note explaining that she had an errand to run and had to go into Patna.

Zebu tried to relax while he read his copy of the Chennai Times, but couldn’t. The headlines were screaming the same news that Sgt. Bullgod had recently called out in the village square. The headline’s article was accompanied by an illustration showing Governor Hedgehog meeting with the Raja in the garden of the Governor’s Palace. The caption under the illustration read, “Nobly gracious, Raja Elephant bows before Her Royal Majesty’s Governor, Brigadier General Hedgehog.”

Zebu studied the illustration of Elephant. He couldn’t be sure, but the ears in the picture looked bigger than Elephant’s ears really were. This was only a newspaper illustration of course and so he couldn’t be sure. Perhaps the Chennai Times had a new illustrator who simply drew ears bigger than they were in reality.

The final sentence of the article announcing the crowning of Raja promised a serial about Elephant in the days leading up to his coronation.

Orangutan was growing concerned at his wife’s absence. Her note hadn’t been specific. It had only said that she was going into Patna to run some errands. Orangutan didn’t even have any idea what errands she had to run. She was supposed to be keeping an eye on Elephant, making sure he’s taken care of and hidden from Hedgehog’s men.

Cobra smirked as it became obvious Bengal and his troop had missed Orangutan at market. Rather then just heading back to the barracks, the traitor was wasting everyone’s time by waiting here while a runner checked back with Command. Cobra’s smirk over missing Orangutan twisted into a sneer when he noticed Bengal’s ramrod-stiff posture while waiting for the return of the runner.

Bengal waited patiently for the runner to return. Hoping something, almost anything would delay the runner while on his mission. The longer the runner took on his mission, the better Orangutan’s chance to avoid being arrested. Bengal wasn’t fooled, he knew that Hedgehog wouldn’t be interested in a simple cheat. Hedgehog must think Orangutan knows something about the Raja.

The runner returned with instructions that the troop was to proceed to Orangutan’s house and arrest him there. The warrant for Orangutan’s arrest carried the charge, “Intent to Defraud”.

Inwardly Bengal grimaced at this news, but outwardly ordered his men into ranks and led them out of Patna’s market. The march to Orangutan’s village wasn’t hard, but the sun had set when the troop marched up to Orangutan’s door. Bengal stepped forward and knocked on the door.

Orangutan had given up and prepared some Tilkut for himself when the sun set. (Tilkut being a local delicacy made from pounded sesame seeds and sugar.) The sugar was just starting to melt on Orangutan’s tongue when a fist rattled his front door. The Tilkut turned sour as Orangutan answered the door. Bengal and his men stood there. Up and down the street curtains twitched as neighbors pretended to not be watching as Bengal and his men arrested Orangutan and then searched his house for clues to Elephant’s location.